trying this one more time…

(Cross posted to my tumblr because I can’t make decisions to save my life so platform for the new try is still up in the air)

Oh man. I wish I could be a blogger. I go on binges, find new blogs of people I like a lot and read their entire blog from two or so years back. They aren’t that incredibly revolutionary. Sometimes we have differences of opinion and sometimes I just really want to be their friends but overall, the things that come out of their heads and into their blogs are things that could conceivably come out of my head and onto a blog. And yet… always seem to fail at it. My blogs always turn into this depressed, self pity place for me to come vent on the internet and no one needs to read that. And actually, I probably don’t need to dwell in those feelings so much.

So I’m not sure tumblr is the best venue for this business… sometimes I do the tumblr thing and reblog stuff but mostly I just lurk as is my tendency on all internetting. [hence the crosspost] Seriously, I feel like I should win an award for most successful lurker. I’ve been following blogs and youtube channels for years and years and maybe left one or two comments the whole time. I feel like maybe I could make some sort of sad profound statement about that but I’ll try not to go there 🙂

Overall, I’m stuck in anticipatory wedding head. Ready to see all the friends, ready to celebrate with my family, ready to wear the dress and see the centerpieces and do the whole shebang. And really? A month is a long time to want it to be tomorrow. Ugh… impatience could be my middle name.

I’m also not sure blogging is a good thing because I think it will just be another place for me to obsess about my current diet/exercise situation. I tend to be a bit addictive/obsessive and while I haven’t been doing great at not eating so much junk this past week or so, that doesn’t mean that I’m still not super focused on what I’m eating what activities I’m doing etc. Ugh. I hate the term wedding diet and while I’d love to say “Oh I’m just working on my health and fitness totally unrelated to that huge event next month where all the pictures will be taken” everyone can see through that bullshit and know its a lie. But mostly, I’m hoping my family can see a difference, healthier Holly when I see them. I mean, I’m down about 30+ lbs since I saw them at Xmas and even though they’ve never been mean or critical or anything the rest of them seem to struggle less with weight and health, making it life priorities without much visible effort. My other main hope about the situation is that the back of my arms/the strapless dress created back situation doesn’t make anyone vomit while I’m trying to say my vows and do the whole wedding thing. le sigh.  oh no, I feel the depressed wallowing place coming on and that means enough for today. Or at least this post. Because when I restart blogs I tend to more than once daily post for maybe a few days and then quit again.

We shall see.

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